im dead
i rehlly have alot to blog about
but i lost the hyperness already

i was so hyped just now
i kept wanting to scream
but it all drained out in a moment
like its a sign from god

that i shld snap out of it

maybe i shld go fight my insonmia soon
and blog bout all the happenings today, tmr

11:32 PM

omg

i wanna scream

okay im in lan now shall update

if im even going home later

8:28 PM

it poured today
i woke up to the sound of it
went tiong to get my pens and paper
zapple balloons and candy for tmr's party

stayed home after that
beth called to meet up but i was lazy
read my comics in my bed all day

had dinner at river valley
retarded me went to sit facing cyrus
saw jerome and his fr
thought they couldnt see me cuz its dark
but those idiots waved
and stupid me didnt bring my phone
couldnt text them to tell them not to call my name
if not mummy sure nag
cuz in her eyes almost all my frs she think is bad influence
being idiots, they screamed my name

mummy was pissed eventually
so i was good and didnt go over to say hi

sigh i saw too much a sight to witness
its silly to even want to be forward looking
all bout luck fate and destiny





tmr returning to RV
last time to gather tgt
becuz of my shit sch now
my only happy memories of sch
happened only in RV

9:39 PM

supposingly an awesome day
turned out
as a bad day

went to meet monsie and nutster
went to get balloon
but my black balloon flew off
saw ian on the way to PS

drummed but failed
afterall i havent played for so long
didnt buy my colour pencils
had a krazy time in the supermarket
which was the only hightlight of the day

went back wisma
nurul and monsie quarrelled

skated abit

then monsie had to go
so i bought a burger and ate on my own
second time and i survived
sure there be ppl thinking im insane
but im doing smth not everybody will do
eating alone is not a crime

with a heavy heart
i skated all the way back to PS on my own
got my starbux
sat in the middle for awhile
then bused home

reached home at 8 plus
kewl huh
saturday night so early go home

felt rehlly rehlly sad
i thought i might feel happy again today
but haiz nevermind
its alright i'll be okay
i can do it

11:21 PM

a sudden urge to blog
beth told me she got me a dress
similar to the one i wanted so badly
the one i eyed on a year ago

iloveyouuuuu bethany goh :)


okay im gonna be late
though i live the nearest to town



ways to flirt
boys repeats them all


state of shock

11:41 AM

woke up at 8
breakfast with pa
stall auntie kept talking bout me and roy

"woah, you can retire alr, daughter big already"
"she marry off you can live life good alr"
"who you love more, your papa or mummy?"
"sure got boyfr one hor?"

whole lotsa bullshit questions thrown at me
im like -.- i just wanna eat
lols me marry now= walking the many examples's footsteps
pregnant at 16 marry at 18 divorce by 21
and i love both my parents equally

her last action that freaked me
pinching my cheeks
wtf man


cant wait to skate later
surely deprove after so long never skate on the board

alot of ppl going baybeats


another one more falling in love
andi= processing
rini=processing
monsie=married
feb=falling
me=married
to the swing in the park


okay im off to watch WGM
bye

10:23 AM

sup today was kewl
went home straight after school
perfect nerd

went to les's place to meet the boys
lunch at subway
went henderson they played soccer
i watched with leon
but i ended up smacking mosquitos

most importantly i had my STARBUX
i missed town to get the shorts
so probably getting tmr

im SKATING tmr
best damn thing ever
its been awhile since i looked forward to weekends
monsie cass me and feb

i'll be looking forward to monday too


okay im rehlly tired
bye

11:36 PM

if you are feeling down
and you need a joke
tell me
i'll show you my exam scripts

physics teacher
encouraged everyone except me
im a pure disappointment
i almost felt like crying
8 marks to pass
but lost to careless mistakes

maths fail
as usual, very much expected
though i improved

english PASSED
failed by 1 mark previous exam
this time pass by at least 3 marks

geog improved but flunk
ss flunk

chemistry was a joke
every symbol seems alien enough

chinese i failed
yeh shocked?
i got A for previous paper
cuz i didnt finish filling in the words for compo


i didnt study much
no one to blame
but i didnt give up
at least thats a good start


went vivo with andi today
got my top from forever 21
cuz topshop got new stocks
the one i wanted not there anymore

was on the way home
when kaz called
popped by leslie's place
taught leon chinese while kaz settle stuff with les
i made the girl cry
for saying those mean things to me the other day

i need to trim my bangs

shld i or shld i not
my eyes are set on that shorts in town


okay my life isnt that bad today
im getting quite used to real independence


i shall hit town tmr
get starbux and shop about
and im sure
i'm able to do it
on my own


pjs on rainy nights

10:32 PM

my day's not bad today
yesterday sucked
i finally cried everything out
thanks ah chek for being there again

flunk ss and geog of course
im flunking all subjects anw
yea loser

the thing that brightened up my dead day
was the call from kaz
i know its bitchy to laugh at it
but i couldnt help laughing to it

this weekend's gonna be fun
im suppose to stop drinking slowly
but its been ages before i got any invites
and this one is to a chalet
a hardcore one
how tempting


hitting topshop with feb on friday
i need starbux



vodka can wait

10:53 PM

I felt the fear of being alone
the very last time when my heart broken into 2
but without know why this time
im experiencing it again
and its coming down hard on me

Its like a hiccup thats not coming out
stuck in between my countless thoughts
i cant even listen to any songs
without having an urge to break down

whats going on with my brain
come out and attack me face-to-face
dont be a coward to tackle my soul
cuz my heart can't withstand another earthquake

im scared, angry, annoyed, sad and feeling so much more
its a frustration thats leading to insanity
save me, kill me, help me
maybe either one is the solution of the bomb in me

my frs are failing me, i might fail them in return
my results are all flunked
the most important subject which is life, i got F9

i think if i didnt meet God,
i would have flown down from the 11th floor


and if you are kind enough to offer me
just one sip of vodka
as a reward for controlling my thirst for quite awhile
i'll do my best to offer you a smile


its a virus worse than H1N1
its affecting quite a number of people
the virus that corks your life stupid
and leaves you helpless with the all the shiat happening around



dropping diamonds

11:03 PM

not rehlly a die hard fan
just think he's rehlly kewt

7:55 PM

couldnt stand the temptation
of watching the ending part of WGM
HYUNJOONG and HWANGBO

sch was sick today
im like a toilet bowl
tolerating all the shiat





i fell aslp for awhile just now
and i dreamt bout him from the past
i mumbled bout missing him
its not like i have anyone to tell that to
maybe i miss the times not him

arghhhhhh

HYUNJOONG
*grins



i can do it

7:49 PM

this weekend
i've been pretty much on my own
my phone's quite dead
not much difference whether its on or not

hmm im wearing my pjs
hiding at home watching korean dramas
almost the whole day

yeah i doubt i be using com everyday
during the weekdays
okay


erm yeah thats it
funny isnt it
i usually blog for my own rants
but its like im telling myself now
you dont have anyone to leave matters to
so yeah


gonna study
jog, skate and swim
books can be my new clique

chester, domic, peiling, mathew, hunwei
i miss them


its okay
i can do it

9:54 PM

hi its saturday today
i just finished work
which was cleaning up the shit dumpster
from bernardette's left over party
50 bux ^^
and a mouth of vodka snapple
easily done in 1 hours time
but he helped also


and so its saturday
i dont have anywhere to go
im staying home
yea thats what losers do


so im gonna stand at my window
and look at the world thats so happening out there
without me


im not hanging out with kaz and co anymore
stuff went overboard


and i miss the clique
cuz i know if they'r still around
i wouldnt be alone this very minute



living through the horror



and i think im ready
to start



refreshed.

1:24 PM

dropping diamonds

10:53 PM

bought a wristband and necklace
went to meet leo
he was in his sch uniform
movie started at 6
so we sat at kfc since 4 plus

watched orphan
was rehlly freaked out at some parts
went macs for dinner
something stupid happened
then he went off while i waited for pa to fetch me
but kaz dropped by before that

didnt say much
told them to go away



i think going out with leo's rehlly diff
i get to laugh alot




okay im being emotional again
i shld stop thinking that much


staying home to rest tmr
my feet hurts
and i dont have anyone to go out with
guess what
its saturday tmr
great.

10:34 PM

hie
im going shopping with my sch girlfrs
cuz there's no school today

and my bloody school
took away our exam marking day
which means no extra holidays


and i had breakfast with bernardette this morning
he was around tiong area
we went to the market place
the place we use to go last time
when samuel domic all the rest hang out for meals
i miss them
he does too

haha and i updated him bout my life
he was so annoyed when i came to the leslie part
and he gave me a job again
help him out at his workplace tmr
2 hrs 50 bux
and i told him i going shopping later
give me my salary first
wahaha and he gave so tmr must report early for work
oh and he stopped smoking now
for a girl he likes
sweet.



i need new tops
shoes and bottoms


dressed like a girl
for my girls


meeting leo after that
but he got no phone
and he better dont be late

11:33 AM

im super annoyed now
i shall not use the F word
though i feel like screaming it

im so freaking sick of it all
im sick of keeping up your moodswings
you'r a girl
im a girl too
be more understanding can

and you
whats your freaking problem
havent we made things clear
so what isit you want now
my sympathy or my concern


just now marsion told me
boys are fucking retards
falling in love is stupid

which part of you dont understand
i dont find interest in every single one
and i doubt we can ever be as close as then
you made the mistake
you face it

10:54 PM

with nowhere to go just now
i ended up in les's hse
lil leon called
he was scared outta his lil wits
for being alone at home

i went over to acc him do his hw
then brought him to kfc for dinner
poor kiddo
being left alone becuz of some irresposible jerk
who rather go out with another girl
and forget he has a living human lil brudder at home

went for tuition
talked with tes as usual
darren went to fetch her
how sweet


shopping with the girls tmr
meeting leo after that
wanna meet andros brudder
maybe mason and lahvin coming


its raining

10:17 PM

prelims ended
may the results die on the way


beth and gab quarrelled
so no shopping with them
went serene with monsie andi and feb
gossip time
dino came then we left


it feels like p6
i end my exams and i go home
with nowhere to go

kaz is working
so no reliance on the boys

i feel like going out
debating
on my own
or
alone
whatever the outcome is still alone


watching orphan with leo tmr




fuck it okay
totally.
just go away


you had your decision
i made my stand
we're done
we're Fornever




why dont you get it
if i cant fucking come out of the horror
i wouldnt be able to go with anyone

4:32 PM

flunk the papers today
as usual
went serene with andi and rini
went for the sake of andi
:)

had dinner with the boys
les brought shermaine
whatever her name is spelt

i wouldnt be a threat to you
take him all you want
we are rehlly good friends
just not couple material tgt


and you, if you decide your mind
shouldnt you stay fixed
why bother


tmr last paper
going shopping with beth and gab
okay bye


fourskin, im coming

8:48 PM

bitching is happening
between the school clique
one phrase.
girlfriends dont go after each other's guy


i dont even know what keeps me alive and kicking now
numb before injection

oh i didnt bomb my bills this month
and i got scolded for it
whats the point
of living up to my words now
before and after, still the same
unfortunately im not a son

this period of my life sux
feeling helpless and lost in my own world


seriously i must be thinking too much
it cant be real




2 more days of papers
and im gonna set lose

been feeling grumpy these days
cracked once or twice
thirst of temptations



pathetic

8:41 PM

pa lost his wallet
damn it


haiz i dont know what im doing
dont know what im thinking
dont know what im talking about

what isit you want
stop it and tell me


half a bot of breezer
makes no difference

11:18 PM

i love watching Georgia rule
went over to bud's hse in the morning
and we caught it on HBO

its rehlly tough keeping it
eric's right
i dont know how long i can take it

anw i ate half a mac spicy
feels rehlly full and im feeling fat alr

mummy just came home with pa
pa lost his wallet
lotsa cash and impt cards in the wallet
shit man

no wonder
i've this weird feeling the whole day when they were gone
okay lets hope some kind soul will return it
becuz pa is speeding down to serangoon now
his IC in the wallet:(
and now from town travel there sure jam
cuz its peak hour

god, pls let him find it



black bangs

5:55 PM

okayxz
im rehlly bored
cramps sux cuz im having them

chestertan
where are you man
bestfr, im missing you badly

rmb how you always attempt to murder me
by giving me coke when im having cramps

imissyou

1:08 AM

hello gabblur, i know you'r waiting to read this
hahahhahah
actually you got punked, beth lied to you
too bad who ask you lie to her first


anw had dinner with them just now
then went to buy shampoo
haha me and beth stood there smelling each type
for so long gab got pissed

then i went to les hse to find the boys
and we played guitar hero tagteam
my teammate of course is les
and we won kaz and simon
yay^^V plus we never cheat

and kaz being a sore loser
said smth mean
which resulted in me kicking him

okay i had fun after studying all day
though my fingers almost broke pressing the buttons


beth showed me this new blog site
but its too girly for me
blogger fits me still

haha i did something rehlly naughty just now
but it got me and beth a breezer each
anw just to inform whoever's reading
i dont smoke though i tried


okay bye

12:51 AM

im staying home to study
and today's saturday
unbelievable

might be meeting les and the boys tonight
shopping with mummy cancelled :S


yeah she's smart what not like me need to study
why bother asking me cuz ew i'll not go
i dont go to guys outside and just talk to them randomly
and start following them to places 5 mins after that
im not a whore
and im sorry i wouldnt wear tubes if i know i have no assets
hope you have a great time knowing more guys
since everyone in clique advised you oreadi
all the best to you
i dont need a fr this desperate

that girl my friend
she used to be daddy's girl
but she flew too high
and now she's full of bird shit


i wanna cut my hair again

2:11 PM

:SSS
gastric now
and leo is making me laugh
even more pain

someone stole his phone
and the person better return
cuz he's getting scarier any min
for thinking how to torture the stealer

i didnt study
today's wasted

shopping tmr with mummy

chalet cancelled
phew i've been complaining in sch today
that i wanna crash the chalet

and to the supposedly chalet host:
Happy Birthday NICO :D

soon kay we go out celebrate



eating now will be fattening
ice water will doooo

12:23 AM

last night was a flop
my alarm didnt ring at 3 am
i didnt finish studying my ss

ss is 1/2 screwed
english paper 1 is fully screwed
paper 2 was okay

and i was so desperate to pack up
grab all my books in the class
and get out without even looking back
i lost my water bot in a mins time

and im rehlly touched with some ppl
like kaz he told me be a short and smart girl :S thanks
and teckkian said he would bring me to a movie
but im so not gonna let him pay for me again
nico gave me luck
clemmm gave me all his luck
and da ge encouraged me
bethany mimicked me "live through the horror"

im so lucky to have these ppl
and it was raining on my way home

i felt so good that im going home to study

the clique lives in my heart still

oh
my hair is braided now for sch
not rehlly neat but
school geek enough

bye

6:56 PM

haha ystd was krazy
i stayed for physics one to one
and ms he gave me a cherry^^
and when i slide my phone while walking ouuta sch
i saw a text from clement
i could had screamed from space
:D
so happy to have my msnboy back

and i had lunch with les
haha funny leon kept wanting to tag along
but he had hw so we refused to let him come
but in the end les got him shaker fries

okay today was :S
cuz tmr is prelims
and i just finished my coursework B

im studying only 1 day before prelims
smart or what

okay thats totally stupid
but yeah
some luck please


im staying up to study

okay
bye

9:43 PM

hi

im in school now

i made my schbestfr pissed:(

and i feel like crying

cuz no matter how much i prayed

i think they are going to take clem away

another fr gone

like i have many left

other than sch clique, kaz and the boys

i dont have anyone else alr

:(

3:17 PM

me and andi

me and selina


nicest pictures
the rest all veh ugly
and i look fat in others too

damn i need to slim down somemore

11:16 PM

hey
today aft sch went macs
with rini, feb, shisheng and LC
lols missed that idiot alot man
old time buddy
still the same afterall

managed to laugh while they were around
bused back etc
dinner with kaz and the boys
they quarreled so i left

homework not done
not enough revision
prelims= flunked 4 sure


sometimes it comes to a period of time
where you just stop
and give up on everything around you
yet you find yourself pulling through still


i might lose another fr tmr
he's a rehlly nice fr
he's my favourite boy online
and he bought me ice cream before
we havent went out as planned
god, don't taking anyone else away again please
sigh, im gonna miss you
but i'll pray for you
my chao ah chek clement

10:58 PM

11:57 AM

im dead
i rehlly have alot to blog about
but i lost the hyperness already

i was so hyped just now
i kept wanting to scream
but it all drained out in a moment
like its a sign from god

that i shld snap out of it

maybe i shld go fight my insonmia soon
and blog bout all the happenings today, tmr

11:32 PM
throughthehorror